Personal+Narrative

September 1, 2009 A Revelation  October 25, 1996 is a day I’ll never forget. That day something magical happened. Something happened that made me have a revelation. It also made me take a long and hard look at myself in which made me put my perception of life in order. I asked myself many questions that day. Do I want to repeat the family cycle that I once went through as a child and growing up? Or do I want to break that family cycle to which my life had been based upon? Many emotions raced through my mind and body. I felt light headed and very nervous. My hands were very sweaty and clammy. On that day after a long morning of stress and anticipation, the moment had finally come; that moment until recently, I had only dreamed of. I never expected that this day would be one of the happiest moments of my life, well besides graduation. I only had nine months to prepare for this moment. I remember the day I found out that I was going to become a father. I was attending college at the University of Central Oklahoma. After a long day of classes I was sitting in my dorm room, doing homework, and then the phone rang. My then current girlfriend, now wife and soul mate of fourteen years, presented the amazing news to me by phone. She started telling me that she was pregnant. She was originally going to the doctor to start a new form of birth control, which was supposed to be more effective, and easier than taking the birth control pills she had been on. However, after the regular appointment procedures, she stated that the doctor came in the waiting room and told her that she was pregnant. How ironic, she went in to the doctor’s office to get something new to prevent pregnancy and finds out that it was too late, she was already pregnant. At that moment I was very excited and had made a promise to myself that I would never abandon my unborn child, which after nine months was a boy, or her and that I would be there emotionally and physically. I had to make a decision to either continue college or drop out and move to Stillwater so that I would have the chance to be there for my first child and my girlfriend. It was actually a no brainier after that semester I moved to Stillwater and never looked back. On October 25, 1996 the day my son was born, I realized something great. I realized that have a chance to break the family cycle, that I had experienced, the cycle of men running from there responsibility of raising their children. That day changed me because before this day, I really just thought about myself and did whatever made me happy. Now there was someone else that actually needed my assistance and guidance in life. The day he was born my body felt like I had just won a million dollars and when he was born, I was holding him in my arms and we looked into each others eyes and then my heart just melted. Who knew something so small, so pure and innocent could have such a powerful influence on me? He had me thinking about some serious issues I was really doing some soul searching. At that moment I had decided that I would do all I can to making his life joyful and happy. I knew that there would be hard times, just as it is with any new family, but I also knew another thing; I knew that I did not want him to be ashamed of me because I could not provide for him. I wanted to be the kind of father that he could be very proud of. I wanted to be the one that he would someday brag to his friends about. Today my fist born child is now 12 years old, and when I now I look at the way I lived my life before he was born, it amazes me because who knows where I would be at, before this miracles change came into my life. I actually believe that I would be in jail because of unnecessary decisions that made before. I am not where I want to be in life but I am so much better off than I was before. I could not keep a job and when I did work all my money went on foolish items. Now I make sure my son as well as my eight year old daughter, my blessings, my very own children have what they need. I provide care; patience, guidance, shelter, food, clothes, and most of all as love for them and my wife. I am more opened minded and even more opened to communication as well as expressing my emotions. My wife and children have changed my life tremendously as well as made me a better person, parent, father, husband and a responsible and great man.

Sept 1, 2009

Spider Bite It was the summer before my ninth grade year and I was baby setting for a friend of my mothers. Everything went well through out the night, or so I thought, but when I woke up the next morning I was itchy all over and looked like I had a pretty bad sunburn.I had played outside with the kids the day earlier, and thought that wrestling with the kids in the yard was the cause of both my sunburn and my itching.  When the boys mother came home that morning she gave me a ride home. I decided to take a bath in hopes that it would make the itching better. I was barley able to stay awake while in the tub and decided it would best to get out and go to bed. I had become weak fast and did not think that I was going to make it to my bed, even though my bed was right by the bathroom. I collapsed on my bed still in my towel and just threw a sheet on to cover me up.  It seemed as though I had slept for a very long time when I got up to go to the bathroom. I noticed a pain in my chest and looked in the mirror and there was a black spot where the pain was. I did not know what had happened and at that time I did not care because I was just so tired. So I went back to bed and slept until my mother came home and woke me up commenting on my sunburn. I told her that I had woke up that way, and then showed her my chest where it was turning black.. I was back to sleep before I could hear what her comments were. She called everybody that she knew and had them there in my bedroom looking over me and my chest trying to figure out what was wrong with me and why was my skin black.

I barely remember the trip to the emergency room and the only thing that I remember about being seen by a doctor was a shot and a comment he made to my mother. She had asked if I was going to die and he said “If she was going to die she would already be dead.” Even to a child a comment like that means a lot. For the next few days time meant absolutely nothing. I have no memory of those days only little snap shot memories of this or that. The next real thought that I remember having is when I was woke up by a loud bang. It was my mother in the kitchen cooking and she had dropped a pan. I have no idea what she cooked that day because the only important thing to me was that she was cooking! I do not know how long I had been asleep but I was starving. I could have eaten almost anything put in front of me, and I did try. For the next few days every thing that I tried to put in my mouth quickly came back out. I could not hold anything down and this added to the already crappy time I was having already.

To add to it all the spot that was turning black was a spider bite. It was turning black because I was bitten by a fiddle back spider and the venom was making my skin die. It also started to rot, I was told that this could happen. (Lucky me that the spider that decided to crawl down my shirt was such a lovely spider). There was nothing that I could do to keep the skin from rotting so I just kept it clean and tried to keep infection out. After some time a big nasty looking scab formed over the sore that was left behind after the rotting had stopped. This scab did nothing to the healing process and was actually keeping it from healing because it did not even cover the hole sore but just the center of it so I had it cut off so that I could begin to heal. It worked, after the scab was gone I began to heal and the sore began to close and became the scar that I still have today.

The scar is not only just a scar to me, I actually often forget that it is even there. It is just a big reminder that I lived through something that was really hard to live through. The venom did more than just scar me, it left me a little weaker that I was before. I get sick a lot easier for some reason. I also have a big fear of spiders that I think will follow me through the rest of my life. No my scar is more than just a scar it is also something that reminds me constantly that “The only good spider, is a dead spider.”